once again

i find myself lost,

lost in the eyes of a man

who does not love me back

once again

i find myself lost,

lost in spaces that i can

no longer go to

…lest the thought of you occurs

no longer can i sleep

for the fear of losing you

rips me apart from the inside out

but my poor mind…

my poor heart…

fails to see that

i could never lose you,

when you were never mine to begin with

once again,

i find myself

lending my body

to fill the empty void in his heart

once again,

i find myself

unable to keep him

in my arms.

Peine d’amour

I am floating

Tumbling around 

Empty space 

As my body contorts 

Reaching for something 

To cling onto,

My mind 

Reverts to you

Playing the samples

Of your voice inside my head.

I swear I hear your laughter

Deep and hearty 

I close my eyes and picture 

The shape of you’re bare head 

Your bristling cheeks

As my hand moves down your jawline

I twist my body around

As if my chest was to your chest

And let out a breathless gasp

As I remember the feeling

Of your hand spanning the side of my hip

All those nights ago 

When we were alone

In the bed of your truck

Far off in the distance

I feel the weight of nothingness

Begin to collapse my chest

My eyelids feel heavy

Sleepily resisting my 


To see the darkness

My mind begins to slip

And with it

The warmth of your body

And the thumps inside my chest

A last spasm 

There goes my heart.

Take Away

When I showed you the book

I must have left it inside

The image of the girl you wanted

I guess it was like that

Take what you want

And hope I make it out 

I can wait 

Just let me know 

I’ll keep existing 

In a blind like state

Constantly checking 

For things to break 

My heart 

Oh I guess I could be 

What you want

But if I try 

I might sink down 

To someplace I cannot see

And I’ll still be cold 

I’ll take what I want 

I could never love you

When you’re so cruel

It hit me in the stomach

Take what you want away 

Take half of my heart away

It’s just life dear

It’s easier to hurt 

When there’s nothing to mourn

I can still be what you want 

But it wouldn’t be me 

Letter for a Bird

Remind me of your touch, one last time before you leave

Those late nights we spent listening to those songs you like in my car

I just wanted to hold you in my palm

Like I did that night

I know things wouldn’t have changed, because you never even looked my way

through all the disappointment and regret, I still saw you

somehow imperfect and faultless all the same  

I still saw you, I wish you could’ve seen me too

Each day was an eternity, a thousand more when I thought of being without you

It hurt when you were far, and I died when you slept with her

My empty screams filled the space between us that night

and your silence meant a thousand words

My indifference wasn’t meant for you 

No one knows me the way you do, I never want to cause you pain

I promise, each day I wanted to be closer

I feel better when you’re near

and I can see your face

and I can see your eyes

and I can see your mouth

How do I say everything I want to say in less than a page?

In the chaos of my world, I didn’t mean to show you my back

But trust me, please, when I say the fast beat of my heart was not intentional 

and the loss of breath was never meant to make me faint

Just that the implications of this gravitation pull were too much to handle

So, I turned away, to ignore the burning of my flesh from the torch, that is your hand

and the beat of a thousand drums playing in my chest

and the memory of you over my head

I needed a break, to let myself understand what it was that I’d done, what it was that you’d done

You’ve changed, and I’ve changed with you

My love for you is unclear with every passing day I sit wondering what she has that I don’t 

If she can make your pain go away, tell me why I’m not enough to be your drug

What is it that makes me so different than her?

Despite all this, I can’t help but keep my thoughts of you

I can never hate you even when you make it hurt this much

I don’t blame you for running away, I just wish you could rest that lovely face of yours on mine

God brought you here so that I could choose you

Leave or take my love, I will be here when you lay low

You weren’t mine to lose, yet I lost you all the same

When you leave I hope you know I love you in every  possible way

You will remain, always, my dearest friend.